Bluesday Tuesday; POW!

Okay so after taking mandy at the weekend, today was "Bluesday Tuesday" a term Wolfie used to describe the emotional comedown you get 2 days after having MDMA before you manage to replenish your serotonin levels.

It wasn't that bad. Went to college listening to Leonard Cohen and Hole...Cohen soothed me actually, but Hole mad me sad. I read alot today too. And I even wrote on the bus, though it sounded kinda crazy when I read it back to myself, I'll post it on here when I get chance, probably. Muddled.

I have been horrible tonight though, thoroughly bratty (can I be bratty anymore, now I'm not his like that?) and bad tempered and grouchy and aggressive. Though he got me in my place in a way I felt and loved heh.

Got a very interesting couple of weekends coming up too, an alone weekend this time round, which is something we've not had for ages and ages, then the one after, well, I got me skank ("a friend") coming, which should be fun, in ways I can't or won't go into on here for now *grins*. I used to feel different about this, the first time...now I've changed and I'm more enlightened into myself these days, than before....and I see things differently. And I feel different. And also on a seperate note I'm a lot more confident in my abilities nowadays, though if anyone is reading this it will just sound a big ball of jumbly crap to them lol, but it gets stuff off my head onto paper, and I need somewhere to express myself more so that's okay. Cryptic.

So yeah Bluesday Tuesday....you didn't bluesday me so have it :p

New Directions....New thoughts

"and then it felt like her brain was a time bomb; ticking, ticking, and there was no telling when it would go off. And she was scared, because now that she was doing this the world, whilst it did seem more vibrant, it was also faster. And the speed and the thought of where she was headed was frightening for her, yet, she was going to enjoy the ride."

So I started college. An access to university one, that will get me "credits" to get into uni. See all this stuff I just don't know about....I'm not equipped to deal with the grown up world, and whilst I'm very fucking excited about going to college, I'm also very scared. The world seems faster, more racier, and I seem...to have something to call my own. But I panic because it all seems so big and overwhelming and like I'm in charge of my brain and I don't know what to do with it properly. University? Me? I wonder how I'll cope.

I started the course not knowing what I wanted to be. Everyone else on the course did know, they had solid definitions and plans of what they wanted to achieve and be. Me? "I don't know what I wanna be, when I grow up. IF I grow up." But between me and Wolfie, with Wolfie's guidance, I've set myself a plan, kinda. I'm going to do this course, do university and become a journalist., Writing. Expressing myself and letting the world know stuff. What stuff I have to show the world I don't know yet, but it's there. Like the start of my post says; my brain is feeling like a time bomb at the minute, ticking, ticking, and who knows when or how or what will happen when it goes off.